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Monday, September 20th, 2004
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well, yesterday was the worst day of my life. yes, honestly, all time worst. i was supposed to work, but the water wasnt working, so i got out of it. but then, as you know, frisbee wasnt doing well....so i take her outside to go to the bathroom and she starts walking all crazy and then she falls. and starts seizuring. i picked her up and ran her in the house, and she had a heart attack in my arms. i set her down in front of my dad, saying SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH FRISBEE! i was hysterical. my dad is yelling GET OUT OF HERE cus i wanted to see her but he didnt want me to see her like that. so he calls me back in a couple minutes later, and says, say goodbye to her, i think she will be going in a few minutes. so i lay with her and cry...for hours. and she still hangs on. we thought her legs were paralyzed from the stroke, but she regained feeling in them and started to move a little. and we just covered her up in my dads shirt from coaching all-stars that has our last name across the back. and i watched her and laid with her all day. and for a little while she was crying out in pain, but there was nothing we could do. so we made arrangements so our neighbor could take her to get euthanized today if she didnt go overnight. we didnt want her to get euthanized, but i would have rather had her put down than be in the pain she was in. so i took her to bed and kissed her goodnight and said my goodbye and went to bed. she died between two and four o clock, because my mom and dad kept waking up to check on her and lay with her. and they called up to my room, and i was so glad she went peacefully. she was stiff at 4:30, so we know she had been dead at least an hour for rigor mortis to set in. and this morning i carried her downstairs and laid her on her bed, and its sooo hard, so hard. her eyes are still open, but she is cold and stiff. and if you lay on her she makes a sound like she is groaning or breathing, but she isnt. we are going to bury her in the front yard, between our azaleas. we are going to lay her in her bed and cover her up with her schachter shirt and put her little toy that she loved so much next to her. so she can rest in peace and forever be guarding our house.
i miss her already. its hard, she has been my dog for almost 13 years, always there, always. and i think it was by the grace of God that i just-so-happened to have no work yesterday, so i could be there for her heart attack, so that I could spend all my time with her, and say goodbye to my dog. im going to get her some flowers for her grave today, and we want to get her a little headstone or something, because she was the most special thing to me, and she knew it. we put a bow around her neck and she looks so beautiful, soooo beautiful, my baby girl. she always was so pretty, and i dont want to put her pretty little self in the ground, into the dirt forever. but we have to.
if you guys that read this could just say a little prayer for her, pray that she is happy and in good hands, i would appreciate it so much.
rest in peace, frisbee
10/13/91 to 9/20/04
i love you always, baby.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, September 17th, 2004
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you'd be depressed too if your dog was slowly dying.
i cant handle things anymore. .
my puppys kidneys are failing and its hard for her to get around and walk anymore. its soooo hard for me to deal with, i am sooo emotional. and on top of everything, my course load at school is ridiculous.. .
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 6th, 2004
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| Time: | 3:26 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. | | Music: | "i went SKYYYYYDIVING, i went rocky mountain climbing..". |
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went up kevins camp this weekend,
rodeo, golfing, the creek, driving around for 12 hours looking for elk and only seeing THREE!, smores, relaxing.
school is harder than its ever been before. kids in my p.chem class are dropping like flies. ALREADY. pshaw! and i was thinking about medical school? i am in year 3 and this shit is harder than i thought possible... i have been spending all my time working on one class and im still behind--how is that possible??????????????
i work at giant eagle now too. in floral. come buy some flowers, bitches.
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Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:38 pm. |
| Mood: | calm. |
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wow. its been awhile.
schools in again. ass.
and im working waay too much.
but call me. you, yeah, YOU.
we'll hang out.
<3
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got 4 free ticekts to go and see blink 182 on saturday. free! but the show was kinda lame and the kids were young and trying tooo hard to be slutty punk. and my allergies were AWFUL! ! ! !
i love the word kitschy. it is a word isnt it?
leaving for vaca in like 4 days. thats whats izzup. but dont try and come to my pool and swim without permission cus my parents ARE home. so im warning you. we will catch you in our pool and punish you. severely. but if you wanna come over for a pool party when i am home, feel free to call me and let me know. OK.
IF ROAD RULES wins tonight, i will be upset. i like ct and who has a cooler name than the miz? holla! lol.my bet is on RW and mandys is on RR. but i kinda want real world to go down because HELLO? why is coral in the final team AGAIN? they screwed people over last time to keep her and she was the REASON they lost. the SOLE REASON. so why is she there again? SHIIIIIIIIIIIT! but they are the underdogs so i want them to take this one. but kendal is so so cute, i swear. this is so sad that ive seen every episode and that my plans for tonight are centered around my ass being in front of a TV at 10 pm. but hey, whatcha gonna do? i just want all you guys to know that I AM AUDITIONING for real world. i would be waaay fun. i think i would be on there for three months just to live in a cool place and to eventually be in the challenges.
CT is going to be at bash or h20 tomorrow night so i hear through the grapevine. be there or be square. mm mm what a hottie. :p
i officially own more clothes and bathing suits than any other m-f'er out there. and thats the truth. my mother took me shopping today because she hasnt bought me anything in ages and i kinda guilted her into it. oh what a beautiful day!
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school is done. D-O-N-E. finished until august!!! YAY! :D could i BE any happier? maybe if i had a little more money to spend at the mall, but thatsaboutit! lol.
i realized yesterday that i need to get another job. as far as summer goes, i think i am only going to be getting like 25-28 hours in the summer because rachel is full time and megan will be back from school. and that is A-S-S. so i am going to look in the classifieds today and then maybe we will see how things progress. does anyone have any ideas for a job i would like?? cus i know sure as hell i am not going to be scraping money together this summer, cus that is weak as hell! i have nothing really to do but work, and if im only getting 25 hours then that wont substantiate my 4 upcoming vacations( in the next year, not just this summer, lol) nor will it substantiate my need to be materialistic and have alot alot alot of clothes. dilemma, dilemma.
at this point, nothing can really keep me down. i think i did well on the human morality final i had today, but we had to write a 3-page paper on one of two topics: human sexuality (premartial sex, chastity, etc.) or abortion and its arguments. i chose abortion, because that class has extinguished alot of the selfish views i have on that topic, and i chose to express it there. and then the final consisted of like TEN short answer questions that were AT LEAST 1/2 of a page EACH! and then all this matching terms and defining and shit. i thought since we had to write the paper, he would ease up on us for the final, guess i was wrong. i THINK my grades are A, A, A, A, B, C+ for this semester. I was really really hoping for a B- in organic chemistry but i think the final blew that for me. i think i missed it by a couple of points. FUCKERS! we will have to see what i end up with. just please please please be a better GPA than fall semester which was like a 3.221. i have been thinking ahead and want to graduate AT LEAST Cum Laude, if not Magna Cum Laude, which is an aspiration i have to start working on now.
two years down, three to go! :)
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| Time: | 6:26 pm. |
| Mood: |  crazy. | | Music: | yellowcard. it gets me in the moOoOd . lol.. |
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oh thank the good Lord that my organic chemistry final is done and over with. the sad thing is that i dont even care how i did, i am just relieved its over. what a waste of some beautiful days on studying.
pissed at being blown off and its a whole long ass story i dont even care to go into, so grr. just needed to vent some grr's: grr. grrrr. grrrr. grrrr. grr. grrrrrrrrr. okimdone
my mom went to washington d.c. on a business trip and you know what my souvenir was? a yellow $50 skirt from urban outfitters. i was GEEKED. i was like woah this is waaay better than some cheap souvenir!! 1) its an article of clothing, and 2) its from URBAN OUTFITTERS. way to go mom!
i decided i want to be a celebrity, because if i was i would get free cool clothes and i could shop at cute boutiques and not american eagle, hollister and charlotte russe. and shit like that. damn. damn
i have two finals left: wednesday and thursday. physics and human morality, both of which i should techincally be studying for right now. but im not, cus i dont really care anymore.
vacation in like under a month. i better get in super-skinny mode! yay for salad! hah. no i lost some more weight and more inches, which is superb. freaking superb. no one wants to be fat for the beach....
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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
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| Time: | 12:27 pm. |
| Mood: | relaxed. | | Music: | david gray, "this years love" * download it, its so sweet. |
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i hate people that are dogmatic. hate it. hate it when they state their views on politics, on abortion, on gay marriages. I have my own damn opinions, and let me tell you, i am really open to everyone else's. but when i cant even have a remotely normal conversation with someone because they think that what they believe is the forsaken truth, i just wanna tell them fuck you. that shit pisses me off. brah.
last weekend: umm pirate game, movies to see girl next door (which i really liked by the way), mall, party at mandys.
i just have some finals left. and what sucks is that they are A L L S P A C E D O U T. like cmon duquesne! lol, but i guess it gives me more time to study and give myself false hopes that i will do well on the finals. did you ever notice that no one really does all that well on fiinals? especially science ones? what is the point in studying? for my ochem final last semester, i skipped ryan capans party, cus my final was on a saturday morning, and STILL DID PATHETICALLY SHITTY on the test. i should have went and partied and then took the damn test. oh well, it will be over soon enough....
...and then summer!!! i heart summer. i heart spring too, but its not even warm out right now, which is ASS. i am going to ocean city and we are leaving in about a month, around may 30. i am excited as hell because thats pretty soon and i could really use a vacation. but i am sure everyone can.
--- bobby-- if youre out there-- whats up with SC tickets? let me know!
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| Time: | 9:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  uncomfortable. |
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xtin nicole morgan--
in case you havent been down with the gossip lately, it is time you break shit off with yr hunny awais. because uncle jesse is once again on the market. blizzam. lol.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 8:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  cranky. | | Music: | got the new n.e.r.d. b/c i am a nerd & like their new song.. |
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if school doesnt stop requiring so much DAMN work, i dont know if i will make it through these last few weeks.
IxAMxBURNEDxOUT
and i want to get more spring clothing. yay for skirts.
and my skin is itchy from tanning. who tans? dont ask me. apparently i do now!
i am going to ocean city the first week in june. but have no fear, kids, because i will be back home in time so that you can throw me a big surprise birthday bash. but it cant be the weekend of the 11th cus i think we are going on a canada trip! or maybe thats just wishful thinking :)
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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yip yip yip yip
weekend to myself. yee-haw!
wednesday night went to the pirate game with mi familia and froze my arse off. but its cool, cus it was fun, and because our seats are in the pittsburgh baseball club or whatever so we could go inside and play pool and sit at the tables and watch the plasma screens when we got cold.
was supposed to go over nicoles and spend the night with her and sarah but i got sick. it mustve been the $5 hot dog, $4.50 cheesy fries and the $4.50 butterfinger napolean cake i ate. lol.
thursday morning i went and saw my first autopsies with my friends nicole and sarah. we had a 70 + year old elderly woman whose family suggested abuse in her nursing home, and a 43-year old man who was found dead in his home 4 days after he died, and they suspected Multiple Sclerosis as the cause of death. sarah had to leave about 10 minutes into it, even before they removed the ladys ribcage. she is a vegetarian tho, and i dont know if it overly freaked her out or what. but without getting too graphic, it was interesting and i didnt get sick at all. i thought i would because (THIS IS POTENTIALLY GROSS SO DONT READ IF YOURE A PANSY) they cut the skin behind the ears, like the back of the neck, and pull all the face skin up and over so that they can cut into the brain case. i thought it would be hard to see but it really didnt bother me at all. and hmm.. oh the man, since he was 4 days into decomposition smelled sooooo bad, whenever the doctor made the cut near his stomach, he had so much gas inside his organs that they actually started to push their way out of his little stomach slit! like you could see supersized intestines and shit pushing their way out! it was really neat actually. and his entire face was soot-black, even though he was a white guy. and his skin was turning a greenish tint and the actual skin was loosening, bubbling and sliding off. i know this sounds gross but it was really interesting how everything works and what happens to the body after death. and one of the doctors said to me, "grab his chart" and had me writing the weight of each of the mans organs down on his chart. lol. and we watched while they took the brain out and examined it, and the womans brain slid out because it turned out she had had a brain hemmorhage, and there was black clotted blood all in her brain, which was why she died. soo yeah. but i wont be able to do the actual organ weighing and death diagnosis unless i go to medical school, which i have been considering. i mean, med school is ridiculously expensive, and really hard, but i think the payoffs would be worth it. i would make a ridiculous amount of money just starting off, and i think job availability would be much better. or i could go to law school for two years and get my law degree, but i really, to tell you the truth, think law is boring and dont want to do that.
and after the autopsy we went to eat at dingbats downtown and then we went shopping at lazarus and kaufmanns where i spent too much money on makeup since no kaufmanns around has f-in MAC. brah. then i came home and relaxed for like FIVE MINUTES then picked up my bro and then my mom, went and got hoagies for dinner and then got a shower so i could hit up the mall with mandy. i only bought a shirt that cracked me up, it has sheep on the front and it says, "be-EWE-tiful" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i still am laughing about it. and we met up with mimi and jam-dizzler and went to kings where we got dessert and saw brian mcgill but pretended like we didnt.
and i work tonight at 5 and then again tomorrow morning at 10. but i am up for anything fun, guys, just give me a call. i think we might head over jasons tonight for a mini-party or something. haha. but we will see....
if i dont talk to any of you before sunday, HOPPY EASTER! :) haha
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| Time: | 8:11 pm. |
| Mood: |  cold. | | Music: | i <3 the yellowcard cd. |
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sorry about that retarded post last night, they were all like DO IT and im like okay and then we lost interest real fast....
this past week has been a blur--- i had a HUGE test thursday i studied like crazy for, and i have a HUGE one tomorrow that i should be studying for right now. yuck. friday night i was tired as hell from staying up all night and not getting any sleep all week to study for this test, so i didnt wanna go out. i just stayed and watched tv with the kev. and saturday i wanted to just come home again, beat as hell after work but jamie and mimi came and picked me up and said we were doing something and im like i dont want to but i will for like an hour. and so we stopped at erics to visit him and kev and ryan and dan and amanda, and jamie and i started drinking skyy blue and mimi was drinking milwaukee best or whatever, and we were just hanging out, watching the game and listening to music and then mandy and gina came by too, and brought this shitload of stuff like that orange cream twisted smirnoff and bomb ass juice. so yeah, you know where that was going. drinking games! so its me mandy jamie gina and eric and we decide to play fuck the dealer. and we play one game and im outta drink! im like whoa i better cool this shit off i am gonna get lit wayyy too quick, yanno? and so mandy mixes some more and i volunteer to be the dealer 1st cus it is the easiest when you are the dealer 1st. well they go through like 6 rounds without missing ONE! and im like OMG im out of drink again! and they are all laughing. and then eric puts on the banana suit so it is all okay. so then we decide to go all-night cosmic bowling and mimi can get us in free cus dave loves her or whatever ;) and jamie says to me, "you didnt even know did you?" and im like, what? and shes like, we were cheating and looking at your card when you looked at it! and im LIKE OHHHHH thats why you kept getting them right. so i was the loser because i was the drunkest one and we were in public so i was TRYING to look sober which made it all the more obvious. so i like leap into the back of mandys car with the cooler, and everyone came down while we bowled and i was the bowling loser for game 1 it was bad news, but i think i beat jamie and ALMOST beat mandy in game 2. and mimi kicked our asses EVERY time cus she was straight up sober and all that jazz. and i wanted to be home early and i got home around 3. and then the clocks had to be set another hour ahead so i was like oh shit youve really done it! you have church at 9 AM! but my mom didnt wake me up, which i was SOOO grateful for .
i put some pics up on the gallery of the banana suit and everyone. so you should all check it out . lol.
only three days of school this week! alleluia! m t w and then th f sa su and m OFFF !!!!!!! and i have alot of those days off from work too, and my parents are going out of town so lets have SOME FUN! :)
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Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
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| Time: | 10:50 pm. |
| Mood: |  naughty. |
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things to never forget:
~amy deere and the flower we told her was from brian littrell and the olympic medal mandy and gina said they won.
~jamie laughing in the kid from coconuts face when he asked her to dance.
~
and thats all the memories we can think of in this short attention span. we are going to go and play some drinking games now and cosmic bowling. i love my livejournal friends <3 muah
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
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| Time: | 1:59 pm. |
| Mood: |  hungry. | | Music: | foo fighters song about nikki in my head. |
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list of things that suck:
~sore muscles
~chemistry exams in which you HAVE TO get above a B
~the cold
~work
~people at work that are putting their two weeks notice in, which will lead to you working ridiculous hours and still being underappreciated
~being underappreciated
~being underpaid ( or so i think i am )
~procrastination
~shitty friends
~Nokia 5100 old-ass cell phones (lolol)
~having new spring clothes and being unable to wear them because its chilly
~playboy anything. if anyone reading this is wearing or plans to wear anything with the playboy bunny logo, please dont talk to me again. ever. thank you.
~hazel eyes. why cant they be either just BROWN or just GREEN? damn.
~knowing that something just wont work, no matter how much you wanna try.
on a happier note, i still love the mall, the color pink, and something corporate... :)
oh yeah my 5-year anniversary with kev was last thursday, the 18th, and he took me to lunch, then the day spa where we got simultaneous swedish massages for an hour. it was aaaaamazing. there were rose petals on the massage beds and candles and music! we each had girl masseuses, which kevin was thrilled with. and we went to the red lob, too :) and i got gifts too. i got a really pretty gold ring with a big ruby in the middle and little diamonds around it, and he bought me bring it on AGAIN! hahahaha which i am not as of yet running to watch.
i get to go to the county crime lab today and possibly the coroners office. no autopsy, but it should still be fun and ill get to be introduced to an area in which i hope to work in the near future ;)
hopefully partying hearty this weekend.. i can sure use it...
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kevin called me and was like, this girl was hanging around electronics looking at one cd for ever and finally she came up to me and was like, what school do you go to ? and blah blah blah. and then she was like, oh i cant take it anymore im going to get up my courage and ask, CAN I HAVE A KISS? hahahaha. and then shes like can i get a screenname or at least a phone number? and im like oh boy...who is raising these broads? i would never go up to a boy and outright say that!
and i didnt know my boyfriend was THAT sexy! hot damn! lolol
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| Time: | 9:07 pm. |
| Mood: |  happy. |
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umm where to start with like no time to tell a story. party at mandys house friday night. it was craaazy. craazy like good fun, but bad because i had to get up early the next morning to leave with jam-dizzler and i had the spins all day. everyone was pretty drunk, i think, i somehow took 46 pictures of God-knows-what, and i posted them. http://jeans2.mypicgallery.com ... excuse my stupid faces throughout every picture, its just the way i roll. lol.
i saw mandy and mimi today and they were like "what up drunk girl?" and im like whoa whoa everyone was drunk lets not go targeting people here, lol. and mandys like yeah, my mom said she knew you were lit when she came home and you were talking to my cousin steve about fudgecycles and im like, "when did your mom come home? and when was i talking to steve?" the last thing i remember was steve giving me reddi-whip and i started laughing really hard and i like vaporized the whipped cream all over the wall and mimis shirt and in jamies hair. ha they were pissed. it was pretty wild, i must say. but a good time. i should stick to beer i think next time, i was waay too gone for my own good with all that liquor. i passed out in jamies lap cus kevin was mad at me because eric kept yelling that i was touching his "crank" which was SO not true. xtin you should have come. but maybe not cus we had to get up early and tom and all his friends were there and you would have been one crazy mofo. lol.
AHHH school tomorrow! weakness, i dont ever wanna go back :(
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you wanna know why i am awesome? because i went outside in 30-degree weather in three inch-heeled pumps intending to clean up dog shit. yes. until i logically went back into my house and changed shoes because i knew i would sink in the mud. my thought processes are all fucked up.
and whats wrong with being a narcisst?
gotta go get ready. nobody likes to go to a party looking ugly.
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| Time: | 12:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. | | Music: | "sweet home alabama". |
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angie had her baby last night to anyone that even knew angie was pregnant. 7 pounds, 4 ounces, i believe. im not sure how its spelled, but her name is adina (adeena) marie? i dont really know anything. kevins mom left me a voicemail and that is my sole source of info..
i just had waffles and i am depressed because spring break is almost over. and i didnt go to cancun! what the h! hah. theres always next year.
im off work today! what what! and there is a party at the mizz's house tonight. i have likened to calling everyone whose name starts with an m "mizz" because i totally love mike from road rules real world challenge. i havent missed a week! pathetic, yes i know. but kevin works at eight tomorrow morning so i am interested to see how he turns out. haha. i dont work until 2 so i am straight.
uh--guys-- josh called me yesterday and i didnt get the message till late-- he wants to get together with everybody to have a birthday dinner just like we used to when we all hung out. so within the next week, who wants to go? and when? let me or him know. aww i miss sean. he wont be home for awhile, either.
watched sweet home alabama last night. i thought it was so so so cute!!!!! oh and can someone with fast connection speed PLEASE PLEASE i am begging you-- send me kazaa or kazaalite? i have been without the download for like 3 months and i am falling apart. i would love you forever!
thanks....
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| Time: | 10:21 pm. |
| Mood: | cold. |
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excellent party. superb i must say. kevin was truly surprised. and alot more people than i expected showed up. [[ guest list:: KEV--BIRTHDAY BOY, me, eric, ryan, jamie, jason, kelly, mandy, mimi, josh, nitin, carrie, natalie, shannon, lindsay, gregg, richie, dave, lauren, melissa, dan, his gf amanda, matt bandi, matt tague, jeremy tague... and i forget if anyone else came]] it was a good party, planned by me and e-money. kevin was drunk out of his mind and so was i and everyone else. he played like 15 games of beer pong straight and i heaped up on the blue shit with mandy and jam dizzler. i turned around halfway through the night and kevin was standing straight up trying to stop erics fan with his head. and no one was around to even be watching him. lol it was great. there was cookie cake and krispy kremes and chips and lots of regular and wierd alcohol ( someone game me gin, tequila, vermouth, brandy, and vodka-- all old people alcohol). everyone was being so funny i swear to God. mandy and i kept yelling at eacgh other, "WHAT? OKAY! YEA!" from the dave chappelle show, and pretty soon everyone was saying it too. and jamie said the funniest thing ive heard in a long time but i cant reproduce it here cus no one will think it is very funny, youll think its rather "lesbianic" lol. xtin im sorry i called you at 4 am and told you i loved you and why didnt you come to the party? i had trump call you too, but i didnt believe him so i left a voicemail myself. you should have stopped up. it was like 20-25 people, and you would have known a good deal of them or at least heard of them before. josh even stopped up for a bit. and nobody really got hungover except ryan! i puked a little before i went to sleep, but it was all good... it was all the shots of amaretto and tequila, thats all. and i knew that had to come up before the night was over, i just wanted to match shots. lol. pathetic i know. but when i woke up from the most uncomfortable sleep ever, there were cups thrown EVERYWHERE and there was beer all over his hall floor so when you walked, your feet stuck to the ground. matt tague had been throwing cups and shit apparently everywhere after we went to sleep. stupids. lol. but we helped him mop and clean up and shit. i got kevs a ps2 and a game for his birthday, and i made the cookie cake and bought the donuts and supplies and split the alcohol cost with eric. so ew! I put some pictures up on my picture gallery [[ http://jeans.mypicgallery.com ]] of the party. but apparently not too many of them are useable because i waited until everyone was drunk until i busted out the camera and im making a dumbass face in nearly every picture. EH!
and tomorrow is his real bday so i think we are going to do something like go and see a matinee and head out to neville sports complex or whatever the hell its called.......
went to get kevs heart check up today with him at childrens hospital and WHOA WHOA its fucking freezing again! hello? when did this occur?!
oh and bobby, i dont know if you still read this journal but ive been wanting to tell you i know we're not "friends anymore", but i at least want to be on amicable terms with you, to the point where i am not totally ignoring you and can at least say hi when i walk past DSC wireless. its cool if you dont feel the same but i dont always want to have some hateful grudge against you. okay? okay.
okay im cold and its spring break FUCKERS!
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amandajean's journal
depressed.
restless.
cheerful.